


Team Villain

by demonipsimus



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors, The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Drinking, F/M, Multi, can a sword even get drunk?, ghirahim and zant get drunk as all hell, ghirazant is life, implied zant/midna, reader is female, this is a bit of a crazy one, well he can now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 10:29:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 8,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10807296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonipsimus/pseuds/demonipsimus
Summary: You are recruited into Team Villain and you quickly fall for these idiots Ganon calls his underlings.





	1. Chapter 1

You craned your neck in order to see over the wall better. After taking all this time and effort to sneak into the royal training grounds to see the newbies do their evening practice, you wanted to at least see some choice ass. Mmm, that blond one looked rather cute, you thought to yourself, noticing his lovely blue eyes and equally nice butt. A couple of others caught your gaze, but none so aesthetically gifted as the first.

The princess herself strode out amongst the knights, who all stopped to stare at her. They all either seemed awestruck or in love with her, which was understandable. After all, Zelda was quite the looker. Your newfound blond knight seemed particularly taken with her, as his puppy dog stare followed the every movement of her perfectly round… eyes. This dampened your spirits a bit, considering you’d called dibs on him (in your head, at least).

‘My army, you seem to be learning quickly,’ she spoke, ‘which is all the better, seeing as an emergency has arisen. I know you’re all fresh from the academy, but we need to march to the forest tomorrow, for I fear that a Bokoblin faction is headed towards our castle town. According to my scouts, they are in frightfully large numbers. In fact, I haven’t heard of there being so many at once in years, but I trust that you can push them back with your combined strength. I’m counting on all of you.’

With that, all the knights started to pack away their equipment and head to the tents, with the exception of the knight with the nice ass, who scurried after Princess Zelda. He was obviously in her good books, then. Damn it.

You began to climb back down the wall, annoyed that you hadn’t been able to watch for longer. Life was lonesome and dull, and spying on the knights was one of the few kicks you got. It had also been a way to perfect your sneaking skills, which you were unashamedly proud of. If anyone could get out of a tricky spot, it was you. You were already plotting a way to follow the troops into the forest tomorrow when a loud shriek caused you to lose your footing and fall the remaining short distance to the ground.

Who the hell…? , you wondered, but you didn’t have time to stop and think, for a shadowy figure darted across your vision for a moment. You were in the shade of the building, so it wasn’t easy to see, and the fact that the sun was setting didn’t help. You got up, dusted yourself off, and turned around in the direction of the figure.

‘Hello?’ 

The figure responded to your call with another shriek, followed by a swift pounce which pushed you backwards into the bushes.


	2. Chapter 2

Thinking it would be unwise to scream, you instead looked up, hoping to make out who (or what) had suddenly pounced on you. It seemed to be a robed figure, in a strange, foreign outfit and a large helmet which reminded you of a gargoyle. You wondered if this figure, who obviously wasn’t from around here, would even understand if you tried to speak to it.

‘Feel free to get off me whenever, y’know.’ 

Jumping up almost immediately, the robed mystery looked down at you and tilted its armour-clad head in curiosity. You got up and stared at it for a while, before it spoke in a harsh, excitable voice that made you jump.

‘You will tell me where the soldiers go...’

‘Excuse me?’ His accent was thick (you assumed he was male) and you didn’t get why he was coming to you about soldiers, as you looked far from official in your dark sneaking clothes. He didn’t look like he was involved with the royal guard either, and his behavior was very suspicious.

‘I said you will tell me where the soldiers are headed. I know you have information!’ He fidgeted indignantly.

‘Gosh, don’t have a temper tantrum over it. Besides, what makes you think I know anything?’

‘I saw you up on the walls, where only the servants of the royal family are allowed. The information is very important to my master, and I shall do whatever I must to get it!’

‘Well it looks like we were both hanging around where we shouldn’t be,’ you sighed. The man was clearly insane, and you weren’t in the mood to deal with him, You wondered what he meant by his ‘master’ anyway… could he have something to do with all these Bokoblins appearing from nowhere all of a sudden?

‘No, no!’ he cried, jumping up and down. ‘It doesn’t matter who you are, you have information!’ His sleeved arms reached out towards you and he grabbed your shoulders tightly. ‘If you won’t tell me, I’ll just have to take you to my master and you will have to tell him...’

You cursed Hylia under your breath. Sneaking around was a pastime of yours, but all this shady two-face business was definitely something you didn’t want to be involved in. Hoping that this creep was just trying to scare you, you straightened your back and spoke with authority:

‘Fine, then. Take me to this so called ‘master’ of yours. But if he’s as mad as you, then I’m outta here.’

The figure regained his previously stable composure, letting out a deep sigh.

‘Very well,’ he said calmly, in a much lower and more human sounding voice, ‘I shall take you to Master.’

‘Oh, brother’, you mumbled, out of earshot of the cloaked man. He really did have someone he answered to, it seemed. Seeing no other way out of it, you chose to follow whatever instructions he said for now, as his unpredictable fluctuations in mood worried you. He conjured up a pair of black shackles, engraved with some red script in a language you couldn’t recognize. You apprehensively let him take you ‘prisoner’ and lead you off out of the town, towards the mysterious darkness of the hills.

You secretly fantasized about the knight with the cute butt coming to save you.


	3. Chapter 3

You’d forgotten how long you’d been walking. Maybe this moron didn’t have a master after all, and he was just lost in his own little world. You started to get worried, after all, some strange… thing had got you handcuffed and was leading you away from the town. Would it be wise to just run? No no, you thought, you’d got out of tighter scrapes than this, besides, you couldn’t help but feel a little curious about this guy.

Without thinking, you crashed into his back; he had stopped walking while you were deep in thought. Through that heavy helmet of his, you couldn’t pinpoint exactly where he was looking, but you guessed it was up at the shaded figure sitting up in the tree before you. Was this the master he spoke of?

‘Well look what the cat dragged in...’ a condescending, somewhat nasal voice spoke. The shape in the trees leapt down and landed in front of you, which you thought was a pretty impressive stunt. He stood up tall (though he was shorter than the masked man) and looked down into your shocked eyes with his deep black ones, hand on hip. His white hair partially covered one side of his face, and his expression was smug. Noticing that you were still gawking, he flicked his long tongue out at you like a snake, which made you jump back in shock. Nonetheless, a mild blush crept across your face. You found him rather attractive. He chuckled at your reaction, and your body seemed to turn to jelly in that moment. ‘My one true weakness’, your inner monologue sighed, ‘This man is perfectly evil.’

‘I don’t have time for your games! Where is Master?’ your captor wailed, clearly agitated. 

‘Oh, Zant dear, when will you learn patience… You know as well as I that Master does not like to be disturbed while he is plotting...’ , his eyes rolled, ‘...deliciously evil things.’ Good goddesses, you thought. That eye roll.

‘But I must speak to him about something very important!’

The newer stranger turned his back to Zant, continuing his speech. You were only half listening though, as you’d spotted your second choice ass of the day. This guy wore tight fitting clothing, so he scored extra points in your head.

‘Every time you’ve said such a thing in the past, you’ve failed to be useful, so excuse me for reserving my doubts, as much as I love you.’ He turned back around, flipping his hair out of his eyes as he did so. ‘Besides, why’d you bring this village wench with you? I must admit, she’s quite the looker… where did you find her?’ His sentence was punctuated by a playful lick of his lips, aimed in your direction. Oh, don’t let him mess with my head, your brain begged, I can’t let myself get seduced by some randomer…

‘She has information about the army that she will not disclose, so I brought her here in the hopes that Master can make her talk.’ Zant’s voice had an air of accomplishment to it, like he was proud to have done something so useful.

‘Of course Master would make her talk… but why don’t you let me try my luck first?’ A cheeky smirk caught your eyes. He knew he’d got you. ‘I can be very persuasive, after all.’

‘Try your luck, Ghirahim, but she’s a tricky one.’

‘That’s Lord Ghirahim to you, Twili ninny.’ With a click of his fingers he summoned up a black throwing knife, then cast it half heartedly at Zant’s helmet, where it bounced off with a hollow klang. You didn’t quite understand what a ‘Twili’ was, but this one had just snapped and he cast his helmet to the ground with shouts of ‘Pretentious butter knife!’ and ‘I am perfectly competent!’

Now that you could see his face, he reminded you of a cat, with large, hollow amber eyes and a variety of foreign symbols decorating his forehead. His smooth skin had a blue tint to it and his unusual mouth appeared to neither smile nor frown. Neither of these guys looked human, and if Zant was a ‘Twili’, what exactly was this Ghirahim creep? Feeling somewhat left out of the conversation, you butted in:

‘What’s going to happen to me now, then? I’d appreciate an answer, unless you two are still having a lovers’ quarrel...’

The pair of them soon ceased their mock fighting and turned to you. Zant waved his sleeve over your wrist, causing your shackles to fade to nothingness. With another sassy snap, Ghirahim disappeared in a flurry of diamonds, only to reappear behind you and grab your hands behind your back.

‘Now you and I get to know each other a little better over conversation,’ he said with a laugh. You were ashamed of how much his laugh made your spine tingle. He led you in the direction of a well-disguised tent over among the trees, which you hadn’t noticed until now.

‘I’ll be back in a bit, Zant dear.’


	4. Chapter 4

The inside of the tent was dark; the sun had gone down fully now and outside stars were starting to appear in the sky. Your newfound interrogator lit the surrounding lanterns (with magic, of course) and indicated a cushion for you to sit on in a surprisingly gentlemanly fashion. Obediently taking a seat, you noticed that maps and notes littered the room, along with symbols similar to the ones that had adorned Zant’s robes and face. These guys were seriously plotting something. He lowered himself down opposite you so he could look you in the eyes, which was probably his tactic for making you talk. Sneaky so and so.

‘Oh, how rude of me, I was so caught up talking to that precious Twili that I forgot to properly introduce myself. I am the Demon Lord that rules over the Bokoblin and Moblin tribes in this land; they will answer to me and me only… which I tend to use to my advantage.’ He looked to one side, clearly enjoying talking about himself. ‘Very few people earn the privilege of calling me by name, but if you get on my good side...’ His gaze fixed back on you, and the pinky blush reappeared on your cheeks; this didn’t go unnoticed. 

Ghirahim leaned in closer to examine your embarrassed expression. He was a little too close for comfort, clearly having no grasp of personal boundaries or space. Your eyes widened as you could just about feel his breath on your lips.

‘Is that fear I see on your face… or is it something different?’ he snickered, already knowing the answer. ‘Perhaps getting this information from you will be easier than I first thought.’

Feeling ashamed of how easily he’d read you, you broke the eye contact and leaned back a little so that he wasn’t so in your face.

‘I’m not the kind of girl you can just bribe, y-you know.’ Inside you cursed yourself; stuttering was a sign of weakness.

‘We’ll see about that… if it’s even necessary.’ He chuckled quietly again, and you felt yourself getting a little breathless. The man was winning and he knew it. He edged closer still, which made you lean back a little further. Hylia, he was so seductive, and it sure was frustrating.

‘I’ve noticed that you still haven’t told me to back off yet, and I think if you really wanted me to, you would have said so long ago. So, tell me about the army, do you know their plans?’

‘W-why should I tell you what I know? I work for my information.’

‘So do I, what do you suppose I am doing right now?’ Turning me into a hot mess, you thought.

‘Getting in my personal space.’

‘You still haven’t objected.’ His lordship leaned forward quickly, causing you to fall back onto your elbows for support. By now he was leaning over you, and you figured that you’d have to give in to his needling sooner or later.

‘They’re… wait, what’s in this for me?’

‘My dear… why does there have to be anything in it for you? I’m the kind of man who pursues until he gets, in all aspects of my being. Now, where were you going with that last sentence?’ 

He took a hold of your wrists, pinning you in place. He had a tight grip, so you figured that fighting back was useless. He was in your face again and there was no visible escape… unless…

A lightbulb thought popped into your head.

‘I’ll scream,’ you said.

‘You’ll what?’ Ghirahim’s eyes narrowed.

‘I’ll scream really loud. I know that you didn’t want to disturb your master while he’s busy, is it because he’s a scary man?’

‘No. I...’ he looked at you threateningly for a moment, then his face quickly relaxed. ‘I’ll simply have to stop you from screaming.’ He licked his lips and you knew what he was implying. Heart fluttering awkwardly, you tried to keep your cool.

‘You wouldn’t dare.’

‘Wouldn’t I?’

Maybe this guy’s just faking his confidence, your brain said for the second time today. And if he wasn’t? You were challenging your own thoughts and beginning to panic now. Part of you, the part that had been nagging you for a while, told you to just scream anyway to see what he did.

‘I’ll scream, really.’

‘And I’ll really silence you. Whatever it takes to keep that mouth of yours occupied.’

‘I’ll bite you.’

‘Somehow I doubt that.’ Damn it, this guy was confident.

‘You’re all talk,’ you smirked. Figuring you had no other options, you first tried to wrestle free a bit, but his hands held you tight.

‘I’ll give you one last chance to stop asking me questions, or I’ll scream and your big, scary master will come in here and find you hassling a poor lady.’

Your interrogator’s eyes flashed with fear briefly, but he just as quickly resumed his piercing gaze that seemed to go straight into your mind and mess with your head.

‘Try me.’ 

You opened your mouth and managed to call out for a second before the demon lord’s lips crashed into your own.


	5. Chapter 5

You immediately sighed and shut your eyes. He’d won. He slid his tongue into your mouth and occupied you until he felt confident that you wouldn’t try to scream again. As much as you hated to admit such a thing to yourself, it felt amazing. After an amount of time which felt much longer than it really was, your mouths separated and he looked down at you triumphantly. You’d forgotten how to breathe properly and you were certain that your face was by now a deep red. Ghirahim drove you crazy and it was annoying you to no end.

‘Told you so.’

Remembering where you were and what you were doing, you stopped staring dreamily into his eyes and instead looked away.

‘Fancy kissing a lady you just met!’ Ugh, why had your voice suddenly become so much higher? 

‘Fancy kissing back a demon you just met.’

Wait, had you kissed him back? Oh great, he was making you doubt yourself. You hadn’t been thinking clearly in that moment, and you couldn’t exactly remember what you’d done. What if you had? Was he lying? Why did he make you get so flustered? You managed a whispered, sulky ‘I did no such thing.’

‘You should be honoured to have me kiss you.’

Self-absorbed fool.

He caught your eyes once more and whispered, ‘Now tell me about the soldiers. I don’t have all day.’

Reluctantly, you spilled all the information you knew. He didn’t seem shocked or angry, in fact he barely showed any emotion until you were done talking, and then he merely laughed to himself.

‘It’s as I expected… they’re going to walk right into our trap. But if they’re saving their better trained soldiers, I can only imagine that they’re planning some sort of counter attack.’ He sighed softly. ‘I simply cannot wait to see all the bloodshed.’

‘Sadism aside, do you think I could get up now?’ 

The demon lord teleported off of you and reappeared on the other side of the tent room, with his back to you. Scrambling to your feet shakily, you waited for his next move, but he appeared to be deep in thought.

‘Does this mean I can get the hell away from you guys now?’

To your body’s mixed dismay and delight, he let out another laugh.

‘Oh no, my dear, not just yet. I believe that we may get further use from someone with your reconnaissance abilities… so you shall have an audience with Master.’

Damn it.


	6. Chapter 6

Whatever you had been expecting of the master of these two circus freaks, what you found certainly wasn’t it. 

He was scarily tall, towering even over Zant, and his mane of thick ginger hair looked reminiscent of burning flames. He appeared to be a member of the Gerudo, and being a man meant that he was of very high status too. When the two minions had approached him with you in frightened tow, he had been polishing what appeared to be a large, heavy looking set of jet black armour.

Both Zant and Ghirahim had fought to speak first in his presence, with cries of ‘Master!’ and ‘I have great news!’. They seemed more like his fan club than his underlings to you at this point. He merely grunted a ‘Hm?’ in response.

The Twili had elbowed his way in front, practically shaking with excitement as he said, ‘My most wonderful master Ganondorf, I bring you someone of the greatest use, I believe that she will be most conv-’

‘Cut to the chase,’ he grumbled, caring not for the way Zant so eagerly praised him.

Seeing a chance to look good, Ghirahim butted in: ‘I have obtained some… rather interesting information about the Hyrulean Army’s plans from her, and from what I gather she is quite the spy. I believe we may get greater use from her.’

‘D...do I not get a say in this?’ you stuttered, although at this point you were quite indifferent about what happened to you. You did not take any sides in the matters of Hyrule, and if you were getting paid or sheltered for your work then you didn’t care whose side you were on. Besides, as odd as they were, Ganondorf’s two allies did have a humorous charm about them. 

‘No.’ The Gerudo was terribly blunt about things, you realised. Then again, you didn’t want to argue back.

‘Oh, we’ll take awfully good care of you,’ the sword spirit chimed in. You found yourself blushing again; in such a short space of time you’d completely fallen for his devilish charms. Ganondorf noticed your change in expression and gave a deep, powerful chuckle.

‘I see you’ve already got friendly with the girl,’ he sneered, ‘Still, I am impressed that you managed to get the information on such short notice.’

Ghirahim’s eyes widened upon hearing the rare compliment. His master was looking him straight in the eye and you noticed that the demon was breathing a little lighter.

‘Y...yes master De- ah… Ganondorf...’ He bowed deeply while still staring obsessively at the Gerudo. As his revered master turned to face Zant, he exhaled deeply with another satisfied eye roll. Clearly he was the most devout of servants, and you wondered if he was just a teeny bit in love with the man. Or at least lusting for a little more than his verbal approval, anyway.

‘I suppose you must be praised too, for bringing her here.’

Zant’s face lit up like a child’s, and he too fell into a bow, spouting endless thanks before slipping into a stranger, foreign tongue which you guessed was his native language. Looking at his two obsessed underlings, he laughed at their devotion and turned to address you.

‘From now on your services belong to me and me only.’ You dared not object. ‘And that means you’re not leaving our sight.’ He motioned towards his shorter subject. ‘Ghirahim!’

The excited demon jumped to his feet.

‘Yes master?’

‘You and I are going to discuss strategy. Zant!’ The Twili mimicked his equal’s motions. ‘You can show the girl to the tent.’

‘Of course my highest and most esteemed master… right away-’

‘Now, Zant.’

Without wasting any more time, Zant excitedly took you by the wrist and ran off into the trees again, as though he had just been given the most important job in the world.


	7. Chapter 7

Once the two of you were back in the tent, the Twili heaved off the heavy armour that adorned his shoulders, and cast his baggy robes aside. You instinctively covered your eyes, squeaking at him:

‘Don’t just undress in front of a girl!’

He seemed taken aback by your fright, and stepped towards you only to trip flat on his face, spouting apologies in a garbled mix of both his languages.

‘Why are you apologising to me like you care what I think all of a sudden?’

You heard Zant scramble to his feet, and he gingerly took your hands away from your face. 

‘We are working together now! Master instructed me to bring you back here, so you can become part of the team!’

‘Yes, but that doesn’t mean you can just strip off at your lei...’

Your sentence trailed off as you took a look at his exposed upper half. Natural black patterns curled around his arms and down his sides, contrasting against the pale blue. His body was incredibly thin and lanky, much thinner than any human. Periwinkle runes decorated the darker patches of his skin, glowing softly in the shade of the tent. Zant was truly unlike any being you had ever seen before… and there was a certain ethereal beauty about him. 

‘I… is there something wrong with me?’ He worriedly looked down at himself, checking for any signs of damage.

‘No… I… Do all Twili look like you?’

He slumped down into a pile of blankets and started tugging at the bandages around his neck and head.

‘We are all covered in these marks, if that is what you are asking, although each set is unique to its owner. I carry noble blood, so mine are a lot more intricate than most, but…’ he sighed, ‘I am by no means beautiful by my people’s standards.’ Zant angrily fumbled with the bandage, his long and slender fingers getting tangled in the fabric.

‘Here, let me get that for you.’

He let out a frustrated noise before giving up and letting you try your luck with the knot. You were beginning to feel sorry for him in his melancholy; you also sympathised with the way he had been so shy before. Making short work of the matter, you gently unravelled the cloth to reveal his fluffy brown hair, which was pulled back into a bun on top of his head. Two longer strands fell down to his shoulders just in front of his ears, which were also black and adorned with tiny runes.

‘A-ah… thank you… I never caught your name...’

You gave him your name.

‘Oh... human names always sound so lovely...’

‘Can you tell me more about the Twili?’ 

Zant’s golden eyes lit up once more; clearly he was not used to people taking an interest in what he had to say. You made your best efforts to listen intently and look eager.

‘Our realm… it is like the inverse to yours. They are codependent on each other’s existence; there is no shadow without light. Your world has days and nights, months and seasons… whereas ours is in perpetual twilight.’

‘How do you see?’ His ‘inverse’ world actually sounded a lot more intriguing than you first imagined.

‘You may have noticed that sight is not my strongest sense,’ he sighed again, ‘so here I use my other senses to get around. Our vision has adapted to be near impeccable in the twilight… but in the harsh sunlight of your world, everything tends to become rather blurred.’

‘And… do these...’ You touched the markings on his wrist, ‘Do these symbols have any significance?’

‘In the Twilight Realm, almost everything is touched by them. They give off a special glow, which we use to detect and locate… mine are rather ugly, no?’

‘I… I think they look beautiful.’

Zant looked away, his face turning a slightly deeper shade of blue.

‘M-most… most of them are on my back, where my skin is all black...’ he mumbled, contorting himself around so that you could see. They seemed to shine even more brightly there, and all the connecting lines met at a shining blue ring just below his shoulder blades. The subtle light they gave off was mesmerizing, as if it drew you in, and you couldn’t help but reach out and run a finger over them.

‘If everything in your world is decorated like this… it must be an alluring place.’

You heard the tent door open and an all too familiar voice caused the two of you to jump.

‘Oh my, I’m not interrupting anything, am I?’


	8. Chapter 8

As expected, Zant immediately leapt up in fright.

‘Nothing! You were interrupting nothing! I was merely telling our new recruit about the splendours of the Twilight Realm.’

‘Goodness, she must be bored out of her mind then.’ Ghirahim’s rather revealing clothes transformed into a long, white nightgown with a click of his fingers, lighting the candles in the room along with it. You didn’t say anything as he strode across the area and lay down on Zant’s bed, taking a nail file in hand.

‘Wh...why aren’t you outside?’ the Twili stuttered. ‘You usually guard us most nights.’

‘As much as I pride myself on not sharing your petty mortal needs such as sleep, sometimes a man has to treat himself, dear.’ He turned to you and smiled sarcastically. ‘Did you think this was makeup under my eyes?’

‘But… there’s not enough room in this tent for three...’

‘Oh hush now, like you and I haven’t had our fair share of nights together.’

Zant noticed your surprised expression and waved his arms frantically. ‘No, no, don’t word it like that!’ he squealed, ‘it’s just… sometimes I get lonely.’

Ghirahim looked up from his nails and laughed. 

‘Well I want to get some actual sleep tonight, so it looks like you’ll be sharing with your new best friend.’

‘But what if I have another bad dream?’

‘Goddesses, we don’t want another incident like last time. You even woke Master up in the other tent! Very well, it seems I’ll have to share… but you’ll have to give me some time first. I don’t suppose you’ve got any bedclothes, little lady, so I’m going to have to pain myself and let you borrow some of mine. But if you get so much as a speck of dirt on them, you’re as good as dead.’ He got up, flipped his hair out of his eyes, and temporarily left the tent again.

‘Sometimes I hear him out there… it sounds like prayers and rituals… I wonder what he does...’ The taller man tilted his head in a brief moment of worry. ‘Now, where was I..?’

‘You were telling me about your world. More specifically, the symbols that cover it...’

‘Ah yes...’ Zant whispered, blowing out the candles. ‘Forgive me, but I much prefer the darkness.’

‘Me too, in all honesty.’

He smiled, before turning around to reveal his decorated back again. Now that you were both in the dark again, the blue glow seemed more beautiful than ever. There was something very fascinating about the way the lines were constructed, the way they sparkled…

With a blush, he added, ‘That’s what the Twilight energy does to you. It draws you close and makes you want to feel it… it’s why we’re so dependent on it. I suppose it’s rather useful for us when we want to find our way back to civilization, but it serves as more of a danger to outsiders. The amount of energy contained in a living being such as myself is harmless, but a human would last no more than a few weeks in our realm. There is none of… your energy, so to speak, and your soul cannot survive. Like I said, the worlds are complete inverses of each other.’

You trailed your hand around the ring on his back again. The effects of the Twilight energy were quite soothing, but strongly addictive. Letting your finger trace one of the lines up his neck, you were quite content to focus on the glowing all night… however, you snapped out of your trance like state as the man fidgeted, seemingly tickled by your motions.

‘Ah, I’m sorry!’ 

‘Think nothing of it, friend.’ He chuckled, but you sensed sadness underneath it. ‘Nobody’s ever really taken an interest in them before.’

‘A...are you sad here? Do you miss your own world?’

He frowned and averted his gaze back to the ground.

‘Well… yes and no. I miss the soothe of the energy running through everything, and I hate the awful light that pervades every inch of this land. But at the same time, I was strongly disliked there; growing up in my own company… rejected by the woman I so deeply loved…the p-princess...’

His voice cracked and he began to sob loudly. You found his long arms being thrown around you as he Twili pulled you into a tight hug, wailing into your shoulder. Taken by surprise, you patted his back gently, unsure of what you ought to do. This was the man who, a few hours ago, had taken you prisoner, yet now he was crying his eyes out and telling you his life story.

You decided to wait until his fits of tears stopped before disturbing him again.

***

‘Zant?’

No reply. He didn’t respond to you patting his bare shoulder either. You propped him up only to find he was fast asleep, with a serene look on his face. Goddesses, you thought, how did the others cope with him, after all, they didn’t seem to be the most sensitive of creatures. With great care, you rested his head on the bed and covered his body with blankets. There was something oddly cute about him in his slumber.

Crossing the room to the other bed, you were finally able to change into your borrowed clothes (which were unsurprisingly lavish) and earn some well deserved rest.


	9. Chapter 9

You savoured the sweet taste of the apple you’d just picked and sat down on a log, staring out across the forest lake by the dim sunrise light. Light sleep was something you’d always been cursed with, so you’d got up early to get some fresh air, the early breeze biting at your bare ankles. The past day had been rather difficult to process, and some thinking time gave you a chance to clear your head. The solitude didn’t last long, however, as a familiar face popped up at your side.

‘This time of day is almost bearable, no?’

Zant was, like you, still in his nightwear, strangely foreign-looking food in hand. He was a bit on the drowsy side, with his head tilted to one side and eyes half-open. 

‘I like to come out here at this time when everyone else is inside… it reminds me of home.’

He sat and leaned on your shoulder sleepily. His clinginess didn’t bother you, it was actually pretty endearing. You patted his head lightly and he purred in approval, taking you by surprise. A pair of long, skinny arms wrapped around your body in a hug.

‘I am glad we are working together.’

You rested your head against his, feeling oddly comfortable (given the circumstances) in his embrace. He finished off whatever he had been eating and reached up to touch your hair, running his fingers through it before setting about braiding it.

‘What are you doing?’, you asked.

‘Your hair is so long, it is perfect for this...’

Letting him play with your currently messy locks, you sighed contentedly and continued to gaze out over the water. His hands moved gently but with speed, and he hummed a soft tune to himself while he worked. Seeing an opportunity to learn more about your new ‘allies’, in particular the one who you were quickly developing a crush on, you began questioning the Twili.

‘So… does Ghirahim always act like that?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like… some kind of promiscuous diva… thing? I don’t know...’

Zant chuckled.

‘He has been that way for as long as I have known him. I must say I admire his confidence… Why do you ask?’

You blushed and shuffled your feet, feeling like you had already asked too much.

‘Heehee, relax. I think we both have something of a liking for him.’

‘Hmmmm, I just keep walking in on you two like this, is there something I should know?’ 

Speak of the demon.

You and Zant both jumped apart and turned to face Ghirahim, who was already fully dressed. He laughed at your shocked faces and seemed highly amused by both of your broken ‘It wasn’t-’s and ‘It’s not what you think-’s. Zant seemed to be more flustered than you (which was unsurprising) and he quickly jumped up and scurried off, squealing as he nearly bumped into his shorter cohort on the way. You realised that you were alone with the sword spirit again, and it was unclear whether that was a good or bad thing.

‘You look frozen out here, my dear.’

‘I… I’m fine.’

‘Nonsense.’ He clicked his fingers and your blanket appeared around your shoulders. With another snap he vanished and reappeared in the spot where Zant has previously sat, dragging his fingers through his snowy hair with a sigh.

‘We’re in a mild predicament, actually… Master needs more time to formulate a good battle strategy, so we’re going to have to figure out a way to fend off the army’s advance for today. It’s a shame, I was hoping I might get to see some excitement today...’

‘You have a strange idea of fun. Why didn’t you say so when Zant was here?’

‘I didn’t want to tell him while he looked so cheery...’ he saw your bemused look and quickly added, ‘His temper flares up at the slightest thing.’

‘Sure you don’t just care about him?’ you snickered.

‘Care? About that disaster of a king? How preposterous-’ 

‘The demon doth protest too much,’ you laughed. He flipped his hair and turned his face away.

‘If you’re implying anything funny, then it is with no regrets that I inform you-’

You brushed away his hair so that you could look at him properly and joked, ‘Has the high and mighty demon lord got a crush?’

‘Hahahahaha, no.’ He turned back to face you and stared intently into your eyes, ‘Are you forgetting our own little adventure?’ Your deep blush was all the answer he needed. ‘You seemed to enjoy it rather a lot.’

‘No, I…!’ Your body had that uneasy feeling again. ‘I-I should go get dressed.’

You got up and made for the tent entrance. Before you could step inside, however, Ghirahim materialised in front of you, blocking the path and making you jump again. He took a hold of your face and stared again, leaning closer to examine your features.

‘You’ve gone red again.’

‘Shut up.’

‘And your pupils do seem larger than before.’

‘Ah-’ You had no response to that.

He leaned in even closer and gently brushed his pale lips over yours, teasing you without actually doing anything. You felt yourself getting hotter, and after a time that seemed too long he finally planted a firm kiss on your lips. It lasted a few seconds, and his grip on you seemed to tighten ever so slightly. As you pulled away, he narrowed his gaze and spoke in a hushed voice.

‘That meant nothing.’

‘Of course,’ you said plainly.

The eye contact between you didn’t break for a while, as if you were both trying to calculate your next move carefully. But it didn’t take long for you to lose your cool with those deep grey eyes staring into yours in that arrogant, seductive way. You both leaned back in quickly and resumed the kissing. It wasn’t long before your tongues met and a pair of gloved hands slid down your back, coming to rest at your hips. A tiny noise of satisfaction escaped your lips, which only encouraged him to kiss you more deeply. When you broke away for air, both of you looked a little dreamier and your breathing was lighter.

‘W...what about that one?’

‘Go get dressed.’ Ghirahim wiped his mouth and stalked off towards Ganondorf’s tent, showing no further emotion.


	10. Chapter 10

You and the demon sword were sitting high up in the trees, staring down at the advancing soldiers below. He had elected to leave Zant behind, saying he’d cause more harm than good, and you hadn’t seen your so-called master emerge from his tent all day. Your blond friend was among the marching crowd, looking as gorgeous as ever. You giggled as he looked around at his comrades, following their lead as they travelled. It was such a shame that you’d be the one to put a dampener on his day. If you and Ghirahim could figure out a plan, anyway.

‘Any wise ideas, my dear?’ he whined, still sulking from earlier.

‘No. You?’

He scowled down at the army.

‘Nothing that wouldn’t alert them to our presence in the most vicious way possible.’

The pair of you had been searching for ideas for a while, but every thought you came up with was either impractical or just silly.

‘I have one idea’, you chimed in , ‘But it needs more strength than either of us could probably muster.’

‘You may be underestimating me,’ your ally chuckled, his mood instantly lifted by the thought of doing misdeeds to the soldiers. ‘Tell me this idea of yours.’

‘Ok...’ you said, fumbling in your bag for your map. You spread it out over the tree bough and pointed to your current location, deep in the forest.

‘So we’re here, right? And the army has Goron allies all the way out here...’ you pointed to a distant location, ‘...and that’s where the army gets their explosives, isn’t it?’

Ghirahim nodded, impressed by your knowledge. Your eyes caught his briefly, but you hastily continued.

‘So if we can somehow block the route, it would take them an awfully long time, twenty-four hours at least, for them to call for supplies to unblock it.’

The demon added, ‘So it has to be so well blocked that they cannot possibly get around it… hm, that should be within my capabilities.’

There was a pause.

‘...Well done.’

You blushed, much to your annoyance. You hadn’t even known him for twenty-four hours and he already made your heart do backflips. He stood up tall, keeping his balance up in the tree, and whispered:

‘You might want to move back a little, my dear.’

You barely had time to shuffle backwards before he clicked his fingers and a flash of light sent you temporarily blind as his magic filled the air around you. You clung tightly to the branches, going slightly dizzy as his diamond spells flooded your vision. When you finally regained your sense, the man standing before you looked entirely different to the man you were with before.

His once pale skin now resembled obsidian-coloured metal. His hair no longer covered his face, and his eyes were completely blank. This form seemed more muscular, more powerful… you shivered at the sight of those strong arms and for a split second you thought about what they might feel like around you, holding you safe and tight…

‘Are you quite alright?’ you heard him ask, with that smug tone ever present. His voice had a stranger quality to it now, and it carried a faint echo. His teeth had become more pointed and captivating diamond patterns reflected all over his skin.

‘Ghirahim?’ If it hadn’t been for that over-confident look on his face, you would have been unsure if it was really him. 

‘You’d better get back to the tent, things might get a little… dangerous.’

‘I-I can handle it-’ 

You couldn’t finish your sentence because there was another flash of magic and suddenly you were sitting on the ground, with Zant staring down at you excitedly.

It suddenly dawned on you that Ghirahim hadn’t corrected you when you called him by name and not title.


	11. Chapter 11

‘Friend! You are… you are back!’ the tall man squeaked, tripping over his words as per usual, ‘But… but where is...’

‘He turned into… something, and went to delay the army,’ you managed to get out, still trying to make sense of things.

Zant giggled.

‘Heeheeehee, he looks so beautiful when he does that, like a shard of the night sly… sky.’ He was having more difficulty forming sentences than he would ordinarily. ‘But of course… it must have been quite… frightenening for you. Come and relax with me.’

You recognised the smell of alcohol in the room, and your eyes fixed on the bottle in his hand. 

‘Are you drunk at midday?!’

He merely giggled again, before slurring on in a mix of both languages.

‘What time of the morning? We have no mor...morning and night, remember my [lovely]? [Oh wait, you can’t understand me, heehehehee, look at your silly human face, it is so funny…]’

You tilted your head in confusement, mirroring his habit, and reached to take the bottle away.

‘Zant, please. No, Zant. Put it down.’

‘[Noooo, it is my..mine now…]’ he whined, pouting like a child. Whatever he had drank had certainly boosted his confidence.

‘What will Ganondorf say?’

‘As long as I keep out of master’s hair, I have been instructed to do as I please until the morrow,’ he giggled, clearly unable to see the subtext of what his master had said.

‘What do you think his lordship will say when he comes back?’

‘Ghirahim? [My dearest man]? Hahahahaa...’

Right on cue, the demon appeared with a snap behind you, having made short work of the blockade. The pair of you turned around to greet him in his previous, more organic form. He took one look at Zant and rolled his eyes in exasperation, before leaning and snatching the drink away.

‘Goodness, again? Whatever can we do with you, pathetic Twili? No, don’t give me that babyface, you know that you were previously banned from taking from master’s supply of alcohol.’

At that telling off, Zant burst into tears, throwing his arms around the waist of his ‘dearest man’ from where he sat and letting endless, messy apologies fall from his mouth one after another. Despite his half-hearted efforts to prise the Twili’s head from his midriff, Ghirahim couldn’t get him to budge or calm down, so after a few moments he defeatedly patted the man’s hair, whispering:

‘It’s ok, it’s ok, but you need to stop crying before master hears, shush.’

‘P-please, come and join me, [darling]. I do not want to be an alone again. [I love you so very much].

‘On the condition that you stop soiling my clothes with your tears, yes.’

Zant straightened his back and sniffled before snatching the bottle back from the man he loved, cradling it like it was his first born. Ghirahim reached across and took a stronger drink before sitting down beside Zant and passing remarks such as ‘you absolute fool’ and ‘how in Demise’s name did you get tipsy on only that’.

‘Care for anything?’ he asked.

‘Uh… no thanks.’ The pair of them were complete and utter nightmares. How Ganondorf coped, you’d never know.

‘Please yourself.’ He flicked the top off the bottle using only one finger and took a sip of the cold contents.

***

What absolute idiots. 

You heard the sound of another bottle break as Zant tried to balance it and failed miserably, and the pair of them descended into yet another fit of raucous laughter.

What absolute giggling idiots.

You didn’t know how much time had passed since the pair of them had started their drinking contest. Anyway, the pair of them were absolutely off their heads. Zant had just become even more capricious the more he consumed, and as for the other… well, he was just extremely giggly and stupid. Ghirahim talked a tall game but he was a lightweight when it came to the drink. His gloved arms coiled around you and pulled you into his lap for the third time in the space of an hour. The first time it happened you froze up and felt terribly awkward, but now you’d come to expect it.

‘My lady,’ he purred, fussing with your hair, ‘My lady, my lady… just have one with us.’

‘I suppose just one won’t kill me.’ You took a glass with a sigh.

However, the demon lord was still not content. He leaned close to your ear and went to whisper something, but he seemed to forget mid-way and instead just rested his head on your shoulder. Zant hiccuped. They both giggled.

You stood up but it was only a fraction of a second before you were pulled back in for a messy kiss. The taste of alcohol was strong and you quickly pushed him off.

‘Get off, you mess.’

‘Yes, [my sweet prince],’ Zant chimed, ‘Where… where is my kiss?’

It was only with a mild look of surprise that the shorter turned to the taller.

‘Yo...your kiss? You want a… okay, you asked for this, twilight...’

Ghirahim leaned closer to Zant before the two of them crashed on to the ground, making out passionately. Ridiculous, you thought to yourself, I wonder if either of them will remember this tomorrow morning.

Just as you were about to yell at the pair of them to have some common dignity, the tent door flew open. All three of you stopped to stare up at the terrifying form of Ganondorf.


	12. Chapter 12

A trio of scared pairs of eyes were gazing up at the Gerudo. You were especially afraid of what might happen, having not seen him angry before. The man certainly looked evil, and his build alone told you that he was not to be messed with. He raised a large hand slowly…

...and clapped it to his face.

‘Triforce give me strength,’ he grumbled, staring at the pathetic yet almost comical scene before him.

Ghirahim was still on top of Zant, but both of them were focused on their master with looks of sheer horror on their faces; you couldn’t tell if it was fear, embarrassment, or just too much to drink. You were cowering beside them, empty glass in hand, the only sober one in the group. 

The two minions scrambled to their feet, but wobbled and had to kneel down again, with you the only one able to get up and greet him properly.

‘Dare I ask what happened here?’

The demon was the first to attempt to speak.

‘When I got back, Zant was...hewasalready… like this! I just… what did I just? Ask her...’

Ganondorf looked at you and arched a ginger eyebrow.

‘Don’t drag me into this!’ The hairs on the back of your neck stood up in fear. ‘It was you two who thought it would be a grand idea to see who could down the most!’

‘Don’t punish our friiiiiiieeeeend!’ Zant wailed, clinging to your leg desperately. ‘We like her very much, [don’t we]? She was tir...trying to make us stop!’

His master merely sighed and spoke again:

‘I suppose you must be given at least some credit for trying to make them see sense… though there’s barely any use in trying with these two. If I keep you around here for a little while longer perhaps you can keep them in check, so I don’t have to waste precious time babysitting such imbeciles.’

That seemed like a good idea to you, and it seemed like the world to Zant, who started screeching things in his native language before Ghirahim complained at him to shut up because he had a headache.

Without waiting for anyone’s approval or questions on the matter, Ganondorf left in just as scary a manner as he had entered in, leaving the three of you quite shaken despite the wave of relief. Without his booming voice or the obnoxious laughter of before, things seemed very silent now.

‘In that case,’ you announced, ‘I guess have the authority to tell you two to get the hell to bed.’


	13. Chapter 13

The pair of them had insisted on using you as a teddy bear. Not that you objected.  
Zant’s long and thin form was coiled around you, clinging as if you gave him some form of protection from the monsters he had insisted were under his bed. Ghirahim was flopped over you at your other side, unable to lie like a normal being. Both of them were snoring loudly, a somewhat irritating side effect of what they’d been binging.

You let them snuggle closer in their slumber. Despite your rocky first meeting, you’d actually turned out to be rather fond of these dorks. Between you, them and Ganondorf, there was almost a dysfunctional family dynamic, but a loveable one nonetheless. Yes, you’d stick around with these losers, you thought as your eyelids began to droop, if for nothing other than comedy value.

Who knows, giggled your inner monologue as you fell into a relaxed sleep, perhaps they’ll lead me to that fit knight again.


End file.
